"For years after I came out of the closet, I was embarrassed to tell people about the rape, because I was convinced that people would say, ‘Oh, well, it’s obvious that this experience made you a lesbian. It turned you against men.’"
I wonder if she’s positive it didn’t.
Wouldn’t it be understandable if it had?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately (probably because I’ve been feeling lonely and wish I could change that but don’t know how) and coincidentally, last night, my co-worker asked me, “If you’re attracted to men sometimes, why don’t you just date one? It’d be more convenient, I’m sure.” I blurted out, “I’m scared of men.” ”Why? You seem like you can hold your own,” he replied, laughing mildly. "I have my reasons," I said. "What are they?" he asked. "I don’t wanna talk about this anymore," I said.
Sure, my business is my business, but it did make me wonder why I felt nearly paralyzed by fear at the question, as if even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t have said the words.
I thought I must still feel shame and guilt over it even though, in the back of my mind, I know that I should get by now that it wasn’t my fault.
And maybe this is terrible, but even though I’ve had a few gay friends in my life, I’ve never been so close with another gay person that I felt comfortable enough to ask, just to satisfy my own curiosity on the subject, “Did it happen to you too? How old were you? Do you think it’s a factor?”
Any cause doesn’t change who I am, but I wonder because it’d really take victim blaming to a whole new level if intolerant people have been telling lesbians they’re making an evil, sinful choice when something truly evil simply made them not want to have sex with the gender that traumatized them sexually.
It’s been over 20 years and I still shake in fear when men and boys touch me in a way I don’t want or expect them to. Is it so hard to understand why I might feel more attracted to girls now?
An Israeli newspaper is reporting that two officials close to U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry are quietly accusing President Barack Obama of sabotaging Middle East peace efforts after giving an interview in which he sharply criticized Israeli government policy. The unnamed officials also claim that Kerry was…